Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A little update and random thoughts!

Just a little update on me....Hmm, well after feeling like i fell off the face of the earth and didnt know which way was up... i finally feel like im getting my bearings. Being home has been the hardest thing i have ever done. I have never felt more useless and empty in my life. I know what i should be doing and how to do it but there is no fulfillment that follows like there was on the mission thus the lack of motivation needed to get things done. I am motivated by love and purpose and i feel like i lost all of that. As of late though i have moved out and feel like i am finding reason and purpose again. I am so deeply in love with my roommate Jessica. It never ceases to amaze me when you find a soul mate of sorts, the missing puzzle piece of your heart you never knew was missing in the first place. I meet people like her and it feels like a portion of my heart was placed in her to find. I worship her and we are SOOO much alike. My other roommate Sarah who is Jess's cousin who is in Cali for a month, i love too. Im excited for her to get back so we can all play. There is another one from England that i havent met yet.

Life is so crazy! I know all things are for a reason but man it is hard. I am so blessed to have people in my life who help me out through these hard times. I could not have gotten through any of this without my brother Tanny! He is my besty and i worship him. We are closer then we have ever been and im so grateful to get to claim him as mine. Also Alikan. He has been my friend through all of this supporting me, loving me, and being there when i needed a shoulder to cry on...yes i have cried a LOT! It all means more to me then i could ever express. My parents too. I know they wouldn't agree cause they feel i have pushed them away, but they are amazing and just want the best for me. I know they are SO frustrated with me right now, but they continue to be there for me and desire my happiness and success. I love them dearly.

I love my new ward and the people are amazing. I do NOT do well with change but i feel i am taking moving out in stride and doing pretty well actually. I have met some awesome people already and am excited to continue to cultivate relationships that will hopefully be lasting. I have made some big discoveries too about who i am and what my quirks are. I am one who is always looking inward to see what is going on and where i am emotionally and how i can improve. I love awareness. With that brings power to change. And we all know i have a lot to improve on....sigh! I know this is random but just some thoughts. It feels good to write a little bit.